Love reIncarnate

Love reIncarnate.


Mortality was a sharp blade, tearing through humanity and Downworlders alike. Humans died, as did the wolves. Even the immortals weren't spared the pain. If they chose to love, they would watch, helpless, as their beloved grew old and died, or risk bringing them into an existence that was far more painful than anything else in the world.

Magnus had plenty of options in the beginning, he could've shifted the future in any way he wanted concerning Alec. He had chosen, either by selfless devotion, or greedy desire, to preserve that beautiful mortal flame in those blue eyes, stupidly content to watch it burn out viciously like a forest fire.

He had stayed with the Shadowhunter, holding Alec's hand through the years, even as it had grown frail and wrinkled, the once black hair now a light shade of white. Every year was a year past that he regretted not making Alec immortal. Every memory with his love was a reminder of why he hadn't. Magnus had cared for him, even after Alec couldn't walk, confined to his bed by old age. Even now, as Alec was lied out underneath the sheets, Magnus sat by his side, full of worry.

"You don't have to be here, Magnus." Alec murmured, his voice a cracked and dusty version of what it once was. The wrinkles than ran across his face were startlingly beautiful in their own way, and yet completely terrifying at the same time. Magnus could see the light fading in Alec's eyes, and his grip tightened on his hand, their fingers tangled together. The contrast was startling, Magnus' hand, tan and forever young, against pale skin covered in age spots.

"You know I have to." Magnus replied softly, his eyes moving to Alec's face, taking in the weary smile the old man sent him.

"I…I guess you do…" Alec agreed, letting out a soft sigh, his eyes drifting closed. Magnus felt his pulse begin to race. He leaned forward, his chest filling with a sensation that he'd become all to familiar with in the past few years. Fear. Fear that one day, when he was out getting groceries, or with a client, Alec would pass away without the chance to say goodbye. Alec opened his eyes, looking to the warlock. He looked so tired, tucked away in bed like a small child with an illness. Some men considered mortality to be considered the greatest disease of all. Magnus couldn't help but agreed. "Magnus…" The beating of Magnus' heart slowed for just a moment. It was like he was watching Alec dangle off the edge of a bridge, his fingers slipping one by one.

There was nothing he could do about it.

"Yes?" Magnus asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He felt Alec's fingers shift slowly in his hands, tightening their grip ever so softly.

"Do you…believe in reincarnation…?" Alec asked, looking into the warlock's eyes. Magnus paused, as if the thought had never hit him.

"I…I've never seen anyone live twice in my lifetime." He admitted, his gaze dropping to where their hands were joined.

"Oh." Alec sounded disappointed, his voice softer than ever. "I was just thinking…how nice it would have been…to live another life by your side. I wouldn't waste those early years fighting you, I would have loved you from Day 1." Magnus ducked his head, down, letting out a choked sound.

"Alec…" He trailed off, and Alec continued, smiling at him.

"I wouldn't have said no to adopting, so at the very least you wouldn't be alone like this, right now." Alec's eyes drifted closed. "Looking back, there were so many times when I was selfish, and I wish I hadn't hurt you."

"You were young," Magnus cut in, his voice trembling. "I don't blame you." Alec laughed gently.

"I know you don't, I'm just saying…" Alec looked at him, a flicker of concern in his eyes. "Don't cry. Please, don't." Magnus stared at him, his vision wavering with tears.

"I could have done so many things to keep us together, but I liked the fact that you were mortal, like a moth that gets burned by the flame. I was too selfish to give myself up. I wanted to keep my immortality, and I watched as you grew old, doing something I would never have the courage to do, and I loved you for it even more." Magnus' voice cracked. "Even though I knew this day would come." He hung his head, ashamed. "Alec, I can only blame myself."

"Don't think like that." Alec shifted slightly, and Magnus looked up at him. "I don't want you to be filled with regret. I want you to remember the good times. When we were smiling and laughing." Alec pleaded. "Remember me, and remember that I love you, Magnus. I always have, and I always will." Magnus nodded his head, too afraid to speak. His chest felt like it would explode, the ache burning him from the inside out. Alec nodded in return, his eyes closing. "Good." He exhaled softly, his face relaxing into a content smile. Magnus paused, looking at Alec for a long moment, afraid to move. He felt it then, suddenly, in the depths of his soul, the breaking of a fragile string, so small and thin, and yet completely essential to Magnus' existence.

"Alec…?" Magnus stood up, leaning over the Shadowhunter, resting his hand gently on his lover's chest.

He didn't feel anything.

Magnus jerked back, his eyes going wide. Alec looked peaceful, as if he was sleeping, but Magnus knew the horrific truth. He tried to say something, but the words caught in his throat. His body felt numb, and he struggled to complete a thought. One word stopped everything, weighing down his chest until he couldn't breath.

Alec.

Magnus reached down, brushing his fingers against Alec's cheek, feeling the deceptive warmth coming from his skin.

Alec…!

The warlock couldn't believe what he saw, yet he knew it was reality. He buried his face in the crook of the Shadowhunter's neck, a strangled sound escaping his throat, his fingers still gripping Alec's limp hand.

~~

Manhattan, 2123.

Magnus found himself visiting the Big Apple after nearly three decades. Every step echoed the pain of Alec's death. While he usually tried to bottle it away when he was in public, this trip, this particular walk through the streets, was so he could remember. As painful as it was, he wanted to remember Alec until the end of his existence. He looked up at the sky, a pale grey, wondering if it would rain. It certainly would fit his mood right about now.

He grunted in surprise when he ran into someone, looking down to make sure that it wasn't some pickpocket out to steal his wallet like he was some common tourist. He wrapped his fingers around the person's slender wrist, pulling him close, wondering if he should flash a bit of magic to scare the poor mundane off. He met the stranger's gaze, and his heart stopped, shock rushing through his veins like ice.

Black hair spilled messily over the boy's forehead, framing a soft, gentle face. His skin was pale, the black coat he wore emphasizing the fact. His jeans were wrinkled, in a way that could be considered fashionable, but all these details didn't matter. The boy stared at him with wide, blue eyes. Eyes so blue and familiar that Magnus could remember the nights he'd spent lying in bed, watching those blue eyes look back at him, filled with love. Magnus never wanted to look away, afraid that if he did, those eyes would close and never open again.

Alec?

"Is something wrong…? Mister?" Alec looked somewhat frightened, though if Magnus had been grabbed by some random stranger he would have been too. And that's exactly what he was, the warlock realized, releasing the boy and taking a step back. A stranger. Magnus was surprised to see that they weren't alone. A boy was standing next to Alec, his hair a sandy blonde, his eyes a steady green. He placed an arm around the teen's shoulder, looking at Magnus suspiciously. Magnus gave the pair a strained smile. Alec-no, it wasn't Alec, not really- looked at him with an innocence that didn't belong on the face of any New Yorker. It was heartbreakingly familiar.

"I thought you were a friend, the resemblance…is striking." Magnus bowed his head, not sure if he could keep a blank face. "I'm sorry." The pair exchanged glances, and the boy stepped forward, despite the blonde's protests.

"It's no problem, I ran into you. My name is Alastair, and this is Deo. So long as you're not a serial killer or something, I forgive you." He replied finally, smiling brightly, reaching back to place his hand on the blonde guy's arm. "Isn't that right, Dee?" He leaned over to bump shoulders with his partner, and 'Dee' sent him a grin, his gaze tender. Magnus knew more than enough body language to know exactly what their relationship was in a heartbeat. The knowledge only accented the stabbing pain in the center of his chest.

"I'm sorry, it was my mistake." He managed, turning away abruptly, and walking down the street, his thoughts running against each other until they became a tangled mess. He turned, ducking into an alley, resting his forehead against the cool brick, his entire body trembling and he tried to compose himself. The boy was the spitting image of Alec, hardly a year older then when Magnus had first met him. The years he'd spent mending his broken heart seemed to crumble away, leaving raw pain in it's wake. He closed his eyes, his fingers digging into the rough brick of the alley wall.

"Hey!" Magnus jumped, looking up to see Ale…Alastaire standing in the alley, his blue eyes glittering in the shadow of the sunlight. "Are you okay?" He walked towards Magnus, looking concerned. "You seemed pretty upset just a second ago…and right now for that matter." He added, pausing in front of the warlock. Magnus cleared his throat, nodding his head.

"I'm fine, thank you for your concern." Alastair didn't look convinced, but he let the subject drop. Magnus looked at him, knowing he was digging himself in deeper every second that passed. He couldn't help but drag himself under. "What about you? Won't your boyfriend mind you hanging out with me?" He asked, lifting a brow. Alastair's gaze dropped to the ground, clearly upset.

"No…he'll be fine…Dee's a good guy, but he's completely straight. The whole gay thing tends to rope in chicks, so I agreed to play his reverse-beard, you could say." Alastair didn't seem too happy about it. Magnus' gaze softened, and he placed a hand on Alastair's shoulder.

"And what about you?" He asked gently. Alastair's gaze snapped up to Magnus' eyes, his face a dark red. "…I see." was all the warlock said. Alastair coughed, nodding his head.

"Well…" He began, embarrassed. "I was thinking, you looked really upset…I felt like it was my fault…we could hang out sometime…?" Alastair smiled at Magnus, looking completely sincere. "I could buy you dinner or something, though my college student budget is good for Taco Bell at best." Magnus smiled, unexpected warmth blooming in the pit of his stomach.

"Sure, I'd like that." He answered, and Alastair looked delighted. He pulled out his phone, offering it to Magnus. Magnus entered his number, before handing it back to the teen. Alastair was positively beaming, glancing back up at Magnus.

"Thanks." He breathed, looking somewhat relieved. Magnus laughed lowly.

"It's my pleasure." He made his way over to the mouth of the alley, looking back at Alastair. "Call me."

Alastair blinked once, opening his mouth, and Magnus found himself staring into blue depths. He saw confusion, mixed with a tinge of foreign familiarity that seemed to shudder through Alastair's body, right to his toes. Magnus remembered the night over a century ago, when a twin pair of blue eyes stared up at him with that same, startled expression. His mind went blank.

"Do you…believe in reincarnation…?"

Alastair closed his eyes for a long moment, before opening them, and the look was gone. "I will…" He replied, his voice trailing off as he looked down at his screen. "Wait!" He looked back up at Magnus. "I didn't get your name!" He stepped forward, and Magnus' mind seemed to kick back into gear.

"It's Magnus." He stated, his voice shaky. "Magnus Bane." Alastair sent him a smile, though he looked just as shaken up.

"It's nice to meet you, Magnus. I hope to see you again." Alastair replied, moving past Magnus into the street. He turned back around, facing the warlock. "How does Friday night sound?" He asked, and Magnus found himself grinning.

"It's a date."

~~

Magnus stared down at the Book of White, looking at the page laid out before him. The words scribbled across them were written in thin and fragile script, but the meaning behind them was so huge, Magnus couldn't look away. His hands were shaking, and he ran his sweaty palms over his jeans, licking his dry lips. He thought of Alec, the years spent watching him grow old, and then tried to picture himself doing the same.

He couldn't.

He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. He glanced over to his cell phone, to the text message Alastair had sent him moments ago.

"Can't wait til Friday!"

Magnus remembered the familiarity that had bloomed in those blue eyes for just a moment, wondering if it had been a dream. He wondered if there was a chance that Alec and Alastair were one and the same, and that Fate was giving him another chance. He wondered if it was just being cruel, forcing Magnus to relive his time with someone he had once loved, but could never have again. He stared down at the Book, at the page containing the ritual for removing one's immortality. In his mind he could see Alec smiling and laughing as the Shadowhunter held Chairman Meow to his chest, lounging out on the couch in their loft. He thought of Alastair, with his gentle innocence that had mirrored Alec's in every way.

"I'm a selfish bastard." Magnus muttered, angry, yet painfully excited. He set the Book on the altar, letting his magic gather, feeling the sensation for what might have been the last time. "Cum immortalitatem Lorem constringitur oscula factus multo ferre…" He began, his fingertips glowing. His heart was racing, his mind reeling, but most importantly, for the first time in thirty years, his soul was singing.